incorrect-into-the-spiderverse:

Miles, dumping out a shopping bag full of lunchables onto the table: Tonight, we feast.

(via sonseulsoleil)

mockingborb:

vorrible:

yiffpunk:

scumfuckus:

tom-spanks:

remember when u were like 11 and the only thing u wanted was a lava lamp

(via protected-by-daenerys)

nbaku:

#why it takes so long to get ready

(via do-you-have-a-flag)

dark mitski

worldsworstfather:

somebody

(via patbroklos)

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(Source: karolinasdeann, via carry-on-my-wayward-butt)

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(Source: justintaco, via carry-on-my-wayward-butt)

symmetra:

they should remake breaking bad but instead of making and dealing meth it’s a suburban white mom who makes soap and the same levels of violence, gore, and drama remain

(via carry-on-my-wayward-butt)

unregistered-hypercam2:

My Movie

(via slimetony)

mydogisabutt:

atthepriceofoblivion:

Build-a-Bear Employee: please,,, I can’t fit any more stuffing into this pikachu

Me: You fool….. Make Him Fatter

i worked at build-a-bear in downtown disney and one time a guest came with a grinch and had me force 6 custom sounds into him which was just him breathing really hard and saying “MERRY CHRISTMAS” into each one
the thing is, he had me stuff them into the arms, which were stick-thin
so the seams were coming up and i was having to repair his now lumpy grinchy arms
this took like 45 minutes and all the while the kid was legit trying to remove my kneecaps, his mom was even telling me that she warned someone this would happen and they sent her straight to me ROFLMAO
after he was stuffed to the brim and i could hear the soul of the plush screaming at me for what would be the next eternity the kid dressed him up like batman
but his mom was like “NO HE HAS TO BE CHRISTMAS” so he put a santa hat on him and also a little plush gingerbread that smelled like actual gingerbread and it ended up looking like this

i clocked out an hour and a half late it was like 1 am

(via carry-on-my-wayward-butt)

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(Source: nuclear-nigerians, via lucillesballs)

animatedtext:

requested by astralsideburns

im-in-way-2many-fandoms:

big-rad-green-dad:

ankle-beez:

Imagine you’re just sitting in class and all the sudden the person next to you just rips ass and unleashes the most disgusting diarrhea shit possible. Then they just take up a wand and recite “Poopus Scoopus” and the smell vanishes. But the memory of someone shitting themselves in 2nd period alchemy will never disappear.

This is one of the few and far between Tumblr threads that has actually made me laugh out loud. Holy shit this is GOLD

(via elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey)

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i-am-l-ananas:

me, having to block this spectacularly named bot:

(via a-wild-haggis)

nivrir:

me cruising through life

(Source: nivrir, via do-you-have-a-flag)

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unclefather:

roypurplepython:

You see a Rat.
You see a Rat.
You see a Rat.
You see a Rat.
You see a Rat.
You see a Rat.
You see a Rat.
You see a Rat.
You see a Rat.

I sure do

(via familyfriendlycryingpoems)